SCOOBY AND ASTRO SING THE HITS!

Try singing these in yer best Scooby-Doo/Astro voice:

Marching Inland (Tom Lewis)
WARNING: Cough syrup and lyrics DON'T mix.

THEME PARK OPENING MUSIC

I used to work at a major theme park - which shall remain nameless* - owned by a major brewery - which shall also remain nameless**.
*(Rhymes with "Schmee Schmerld".)
**(Rhymes with "Mud Geyser")
After the morning opener "Star Spangled Banner," They would start up the (Mud Geyser) theme song, they would drop the chain and these tourists would surge forth, heedless of safety or courtesy, trampling each other to be the first to get to (whatever the hell it was they were trying to get to.) I swear at times they seemed like ravenous swarms of locusts. The slower-moving ones seemed to be marching to the "BOM...bom...BOM...bom..." of the tuba.
I envisioned a zombie-movie scenario, with the ravenous herds surging forward, trampling and eating everything in their path (like a shark riding on an elephant - the most vicious creature ever.) One day I shouted "Here they come! Grab yer babies and run!" As the theme song played, I kept turning it over in my mind and out came these words:

THEME PARK OPENING (to the tune of the Mud Geyser theme song):
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists! Watch yourself, here they come!
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists - grab yer family and run!
(dun dun dun dun)
They'll eat your babies, they like the meat -
They bite the heads off and they nibble on the feet - ***
(dun dun dun dun)
...and so on...

Yeah, I know it's bizarre, but it amused me.

***in reference to the (Far Side?) comic strip panel of the cat singing the blues:
"I love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat;
I bite they tiny heads off,
And nibble on they tiny feet..."
LOL

Chantilly Lace

My friend Keith used to sing this 'switcheroo' on the song by the Big Bopper:

Chantilly lace and a pony face,
And a pretty tail, a-hangin' down...

LOL

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

This song always cracks me up. And it always reminds me of "The Great Sanger and Diedle" - that incomparable duo of wit and song from the Pacific Northwest…

The Pirates Who Dont Do Anything
we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

well I've never been to Greenland
and I've never been to Denver
and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
and I've never been to Moscow
and I've never been to Tampa
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

Chorus

and I've never hoist the main sail
and I've never swabbed the poop deck
and I've never veered starboard, cause I've never sailed at all
and I've never walked the gang plank
and I've never owned a parrot.
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

Chorus

I've never plucked a rooster
and I am not too good at ping-pong
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,
and I've never gotten head lice
and I have never been to Boston in the fall

(pirate captains log 2002
who be this band relient k
and why they be so full of contradictions)

we don't know what he did
but we're down with captain kidd
we don't wake up before lunch
but we all eat captain crunch
we don't smoke, we don't chew
we watch captain kangaroo

and I've never licked a spark-plug
and I've never sniffed a stink bug
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
and I've never bathed in yogurt
and I don't look good in leggings
and I've never been to Boston in the fall

Chorus

The Neediest Xmas Song EVER!!!

Did you ever hear a song out of context, and gave it a whole different meaning? That’s how it was with this song; it was playing in the background, my mind was elsewhere, and it suddenly occurred to me…
Talk about needy and demanding…!!! This person must be tiresome to be around during the holidays.
I mean geez… Are you REALLY in such a hurry? Do you REALLY need it right this minute?
Grow some patience, or do it your own damn self.

We Need A Little Christmas Lyrics
Haul out the holly;
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking,
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;
So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,

And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.

Haul out the holly;
Well, once I taught you all to live each living day.
Fill up the stocking,
But Auntie Man, it's one week from Thanksgiving Day now.
But we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;

So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For we need a little music,
Need a little laughter,
Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter,
And we need a little snappy
"Happy ever after,"
Need a little Christmas now.
Need a little Christmas now.

Christmas around this household sounds exhausting.

Follow Me Up To Carlow (Traditional)

My previous band covered this as a Celtic rock tune. Check it out HERE.
I just could never figure out the words to the chorus... so my brain did what it always does...
Here's what I came up with:

Curse and swear Lord Kildare
Fish will do what fish will dare
Now that Williams rubber bear followin' Izzy's car, yo!

Up with Albert's uncle's sword
Ornery gophers by the road
Fish McGill has wiggledy worms, bottle me up the carload!!!

The words to the verses were colorful enough.

Wide Bird - [White Bird] (It's a Beautiful Day, 1969)

Wide bird, inner gold uncaged
Hännah Winter stay in derange
Wide burr, dinner goal dunk age
A loan

The leave slow, Krauss belong back road
Tudor dark in sty, inn'it strange?
But Dwight Burge just sits innert age
On loan

White Burmas fly? our chi will die.

Why’d bird reams up the vast pen tree
Withered eye in leave stern in coal,
Butt Dwight Burge just fits inner gauge,
Groin gold

Wide burr dust fly, Archie will die-
Wide bird mussed fly, she wilt eye.

The sunset scum, the son set scones
The cloud stroll by, in your ear turns mold
A young bird eye, dew always? No!
Seamus fly! Shim us fly! Chi must fly!

Wide bird, inner gold uncaged
Hännah Winter stay in derange
Wide burn, dinner goal dunk age
A loan

Dwight Burge must fly, Archie will die.


I, however, could not agree with the lyrics:
"Dwight Burge must die, Marty McFly!"