Friday, December 24, 2010

The Night Before Xmas

Twas the night before Xmas and all through the house,
there were empties and butts left around by some louse.
And the best quart I'd hid by the chimney with care,
had been swiped by some bum who'd discovered it there.

(My guests all long since had been poured in their beds)
My mouth full of cotton hung down to my lap,
because I was dying for one more nightcap.
When from the North window there came such a smell,
I sprang to my feet to see what the hell!
And what to my wondering eyes would show up,
but eight bloated reindeer hitched to a beer truck.
With a little old driver who looked like a hick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

Staggering outward those reindeer came,
and he hiccuped and belched as he called them by name-
"On Schenley! On Seagram! We ain't got all night!
You too Haig & Haig, and you too, Black & White -
Get up on the roof, get the hell off this wall!
Get going you dummies, we've got a long haul."

So up on the roof went the reindeer and truck,
but a tree branch hit Santa before he could duck.
And then in a twinkling I heard from above-
A hell of a noise that was no cooing dove.
So I pulled in my head and I cocked a sharp ear-
Down the chimney he plunged, landing smack on his rear.

He was dressed all in furs, no cuffs on his pants,
and the way the guy squirmed - well, I guess he had ants.
He said not a word, but went straight to his work;
and missed half the stockings, the plastered old jerk.
Then putting a finger to the end of his nose,
he gave me the bird; up the chimney he rose.

He sprang for the truck at so hasty a pace,
that he tripped on a gable and slid on his face.
But I heard him exclaim as he passed out of sight:
"Merry Christmas you rum-dums! Now really get tight!"

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Marching Inland

Try singing this Chorus from Tom Lewis' classic sailor song in your best Scooby/Astro voice:
I'm marching inland from the shore, over m' shoulder I'm carrying an oar,
When someone asks me: "What - is that funny thing you've got?"
Then I know I'll never go to sea no more, no more,
Then I know I'll never go to sea no more!

Rikey's Rooby/Rastro Rendition:
Rhyme Rarching Rin-Rand Rum Ra Roar,
Rover me Rolder I'm Rarryin' a Roar,
Ren Rum-run Rasks me Rut, Ris dat runny ring you rot -
Ren I Row I'll Rever Row to Reeno roar Roar ROAR!
Ren I Row I'll Rever Row to Reeno ROOOARRR!



Try singing these in yer best Scooby-Doo/Astro voice:

Marching Inland (Tom Lewis)
WARNING: Cough syrup and lyrics DON'T mix.


I used to work at a major theme park - which shall remain nameless* - owned by a major brewery - which shall also remain nameless**.
*(Rhymes with "Schmee Schmerld".)
**(Rhymes with "Mud Geyser")
After the morning opener "Star Spangled Banner," They would start up the (Mud Geyser) theme song, they would drop the chain and these tourists would surge forth, heedless of safety or courtesy, trampling each other to be the first to get to (whatever the hell it was they were trying to get to.) I swear at times they seemed like ravenous swarms of locusts. The slower-moving ones seemed to be marching to the "" of the tuba.
I envisioned a zombie-movie scenario, with the ravenous herds surging forward, trampling and eating everything in their path (like a shark riding on an elephant - the most vicious creature ever.) One day I shouted "Here they come! Grab yer babies and run!" As the theme song played, I kept turning it over in my mind and out came these words:

THEME PARK OPENING (to the tune of the Mud Geyser theme song):
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists! Watch yourself, here they come!
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists - grab yer family and run!
(dun dun dun dun)
They'll eat your babies, they like the meat -
They bite the heads off and they nibble on the feet - ***
(dun dun dun dun)
...and so on...

Yeah, I know it's bizarre, but it amused me.

***in reference to the (Far Side?) comic strip panel of the cat singing the blues:
"I love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat;
I bite they tiny heads off,
And nibble on they tiny feet..."

Chantilly Lace

My friend Keith used to sing this 'switcheroo' on the song by the Big Bopper:

Chantilly lace and a pony face,
And a pretty tail, a-hangin' down...


The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

This song always cracks me up. And it always reminds me of "The Great Sanger and Diedle" - that incomparable duo of wit and song from the Pacific Northwest…

The Pirates Who Dont Do Anything
we are the pirates we don't do anything
we just stay at home, and lie around
and if you ask us, to do anything
we'll just tell you, we don't do anything

well I've never been to Greenland
and I've never been to Denver
and I've never buried treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul
and I've never been to Moscow
and I've never been to Tampa
and I've never been to Boston in the fall


and I've never hoist the main sail
and I've never swabbed the poop deck
and I've never veered starboard, cause I've never sailed at all
and I've never walked the gang plank
and I've never owned a parrot.
and I've never been to Boston in the fall


I've never plucked a rooster
and I am not too good at ping-pong
and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
and I've never kissed a chipmunk,
and I've never gotten head lice
and I have never been to Boston in the fall

(pirate captains log 2002
who be this band relient k
and why they be so full of contradictions)

we don't know what he did
but we're down with captain kidd
we don't wake up before lunch
but we all eat captain crunch
we don't smoke, we don't chew
we watch captain kangaroo

and I've never licked a spark-plug
and I've never sniffed a stink bug
and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball
and I've never bathed in yogurt
and I don't look good in leggings
and I've never been to Boston in the fall


The Neediest Xmas Song EVER!!!

Did you ever hear a song out of context, and gave it a whole different meaning? That’s how it was with this song; it was playing in the background, my mind was elsewhere, and it suddenly occurred to me…
Talk about needy and demanding…!!! This person must be tiresome to be around during the holidays.
I mean geez… Are you REALLY in such a hurry? Do you REALLY need it right this minute?
Grow some patience, or do it your own damn self.

We Need A Little Christmas Lyrics
Haul out the holly;
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking,
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;
So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,

And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.

Haul out the holly;
Well, once I taught you all to live each living day.
Fill up the stocking,
But Auntie Man, it's one week from Thanksgiving Day now.
But we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;

So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For we need a little music,
Need a little laughter,
Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter,
And we need a little snappy
"Happy ever after,"
Need a little Christmas now.
Need a little Christmas now.

Christmas around this household sounds exhausting.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Follow Me Up To Carlow (Traditional)

My previous band covered this as a Celtic rock tune. Check it out HERE.
I just could never figure out the words to the chorus... so my brain did what it always does...
Here's what I came up with:

Curse and swear Lord Kildare
Fish will do what fish will dare
Now that Williams rubber bear followin' Izzy's car, yo!

Up with Albert's uncle's sword
Ornery gophers by the road
Fish McGill has wiggledy worms, bottle me up the carload!!!

The words to the verses were colorful enough.

Wide Bird - [White Bird] (It's a Beautiful Day, 1969)

Wide bird, inner gold uncaged
Hännah Winter stay in derange
Wide burr, dinner goal dunk age
A loan

The leave slow, Krauss belong back road
Tudor dark in sty, inn'it strange?
But Dwight Burge just sits innert age
On loan

White Burmas fly? our chi will die.

Why’d bird reams up the vast pen tree
Withered eye in leave stern in coal,
Butt Dwight Burge just fits inner gauge,
Groin gold

Wide burr dust fly, Archie will die-
Wide bird mussed fly, she wilt eye.

The sunset scum, the son set scones
The cloud stroll by, in your ear turns mold
A young bird eye, dew always? No!
Seamus fly! Shim us fly! Chi must fly!

Wide bird, inner gold uncaged
Hännah Winter stay in derange
Wide burn, dinner goal dunk age
A loan

Dwight Burge must fly, Archie will die.

I, however, could not agree with the lyrics:
"Dwight Burge must die, Marty McFly!"


Because the Pun is mightier than the 's-word.'
I love to play with words. (Sometimes, it gets me in trouble: my brain spoonerizes something and it comes out unintentionally.)
Again, I reiterate:
Cough syrup and lyrics DON'T mix.

Bits and pieces of songs... misinterpreted.

Chantilly Lace


Theme Park Opener


If you're going for inaccuracy... why not go all the way?
It all started during rehearsal with a discussion regarding "what is this line anyway?" One of the guys had downloaded the lyrics from the Internet... I just couldn't take it anymore, so my brain did what it always does: take it over the edge!

I got this idea partially from watching Japanese Karaoke (complete with subtitles) on YouTube, although I have seen - and done - the same thing over the years.
would happen if you were from another culture, and transcribed lyrics phonetically correct, but messed up the context and meaning? How badly could you screw up the context, while still retaining plausible phonetics? The possibilities are amusing.
WIDE BIRD (White Bird; It's a Beautiful Day 1969) ... the one that started all this.
More Lyrics Gone Wrong - Eurythmics - posted on my FB wall by a friend.

THE REAL SLIM SHADY/Slim Shady (The Musical):
"All you other Slim Shadys are dust in my tateys."
    (a.k.a. "All you other Slim Shadys are dust in my taters.")
"All you other Slim Shadys adjusting my tee-tees."
Take your pick. 

"What the...? Did they just say __????"

Let this be a lesson to you: Cough syrup and lyrics DON'T mix.
FOLLOW ME UP TO CARLOW (Traditional) ...this is how my brain works.


If you like humor;
If you like your lyrics with a twist -
If tongue-in-cheek is your thing;
If you have ever experienced multiple sarcasms;
Then buckle up, sexy beyatch, let's ride!
(Note: these are actual lyrics, either humorous in nature, or taken out of context, etc; but otherwise left in their original state.)

The Neediest Xmas Song EVER!!!
The ULTIMATE Guilt Song!

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

The Night Before Xmas


Here is where I will post questions on those lyrics that ya just can't quite figure out... post your comments or suggestions.


Here is where I will post verifiably accurate lyrics. Or at the very least, lyrics that are as close to verifiable as possible.

Graphic Elements

WHY MikyezLyrics? Where it all began...

Let's talk about how this all came about.

I am a musician. (Yeah, I know. Go ahead, heave a sigh and get it over with.)

Over the years, I have heard some... interesting... misinterpretations of popular lyrics. On top of that, I have heard some bizarre rationale explaining these misinterpretations.

Oh sure, I have had my moments - numerous and abundant - when I discovered what the lyrics really were to a song, and said to myself, "Geez, and all that time I thought it was... 'X'... Boy, was I ever wrong." Sometimes I have been dead certain what I thought the lyrics were, sometimes I simply wasn't paying much attention.
In the early years, I definitely wasn't paying attention. When I was small, my world view was pretty sheltered. Into adolescence, I was more interested in the music than the words.

However, I have always had a deeply ingrained hankering for the truth.

Furthermore, as I have shifted over into doing more and more singing, I have come up against more and more lyrics 'resources' that are, to say the least, grossly inaccurate. Sometimes, I have to wonder if the person doing the transcription actually listened to the song they were transcribing, or if it had been interpreted into another language and then back into English.
Most of the time, I use my ears.
I was disillusioned enough with crappy guitar transcriptions many years ago, and decided that the only source I could believe was my own ears.

The same is true - even moreso - for lyrics. I usually trust my ears. Even when I am unsure, I find that most lyrics resources are - at best - less than dependable.

My fellow musicians have brought in some interesting transcriptions, and I feel compelled to remind them that just because it has been posted on the internet does not give it any credibility whatsoever. Seriously, some of the transcriptions? Forget about it.
We've all heard the classic misinterpretation of Hendrix' Purple Haze:

"Squeeze me, while I kiss this guy."

Well, that seems to be at least as accurate as some of these lyrics websites.

And don't give me that "They were smokin' a lot of drugs back then..." that's the last refuge for not having thought it through. I have seen lyrics by notoriously inebriated wordsmiths that have made more sense than what some of these sites come up with.

There is no accountability for accuracy on the internet, you can post anything.

Hence this blog.

I figured hey... if you can post anything, why can't I post the lyrics I'd like to see?
1. Accurate transcriptions of lyrics.
2. Misinterpretations I'd like to see.
3. Questions about lyrics, and help finding answers...
4. Spoonerisms, puns and wordplay.

Sure, I write lyrics, but I'm not that good.
But that doesn't mean that I don't like to play with words. I LOVE to play with words, and the more I hear a song, the more my mind wants to manipulate the words into something amusing. A friend described having "multiple sarcasms."

So there you have it... my own take on lyrics, and why this whole thing came about.