Thursday, December 16, 2010


I used to work at a major theme park - which shall remain nameless* - owned by a major brewery - which shall also remain nameless**.
*(Rhymes with "Schmee Schmerld".)
**(Rhymes with "Mud Geyser")
After the morning opener "Star Spangled Banner," They would start up the (Mud Geyser) theme song, they would drop the chain and these tourists would surge forth, heedless of safety or courtesy, trampling each other to be the first to get to (whatever the hell it was they were trying to get to.) I swear at times they seemed like ravenous swarms of locusts. The slower-moving ones seemed to be marching to the "" of the tuba.
I envisioned a zombie-movie scenario, with the ravenous herds surging forward, trampling and eating everything in their path (like a shark riding on an elephant - the most vicious creature ever.) One day I shouted "Here they come! Grab yer babies and run!" As the theme song played, I kept turning it over in my mind and out came these words:

THEME PARK OPENING (to the tune of the Mud Geyser theme song):
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists! Watch yourself, here they come!
(dun dun dun dun)
Here come the tourists - grab yer family and run!
(dun dun dun dun)
They'll eat your babies, they like the meat -
They bite the heads off and they nibble on the feet - ***
(dun dun dun dun)
...and so on...

Yeah, I know it's bizarre, but it amused me.

***in reference to the (Far Side?) comic strip panel of the cat singing the blues:
"I love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat;
I bite they tiny heads off,
And nibble on they tiny feet..."


  1. One of my favorite Far Sides, I had a poster of that playing the guitar, with little cowboy boots...

  2. That's the one! It cracked me up, and obviously stuck in the back of my mind.